Damn..

The Two Yesterday’s..

Over this past summer I had a “thing” with an ex, I had dated a while back for a very long time, I had opened my mouth to piss his new girlfriend off && it worked I had ruined there relationship. Also, at the time he was living with her, one night he had came home && she told him to get out & that’d she’d known everything. I’d rather not mention any names. But, I’m sure the ones who are reading this who know me, know whom it is. Well, see why did I bring him up you ask? He’s the main part in this whole story. I’ve known him for quite a while now, && since the day I meet him I’ve been so called “Sprung on him” I’m not sure what it is but, that’s what all my friends tell me. Well I’m going to start off with the yesterday of Monday, My friend && I had showed up at my exs friends house which my ex lives at now also because of my mouth.. The only reason we were there because my best friend had wanted to go visit him because they were close && she had gotten sent to alternative school with me, so she never saw him much. I was okay with this only because I knew my ex had to work && there would be no problems. See, He && I were texting that Friday only a few days earlier && It was basically him saying “Nothing will ever be okay again, We’ll never be okay && he basically wants nothing to do with me” Turn’s out we were only there for ten minutes or so until.. There he is. He just walks in && sits down. He picks up my cigarettes from beside me && takes one tosses them to me && says “Thanks” I’m just thinking “What the hell?” We all stayed over there talking && laughing, hanging out all night, nothing went wrong it was perfect. We got home around twelve or so, I had crawled right into bed && was thinking “Is everything all right now?, Is it finally okay again” So I decided to text him, I grabbed my phone && sent a text saying exactly this “I’m really sorry, tonight was fun. Is everything okay between us now?” He was a simple guy always laying everything out && being straight forward he sent back “Ya.” I had been happy with the answer.. So I closed my eyes && just passed out, Tuesday the next day when I had woken up I asked my roommate/friend if she had wanted to go over there with me again, she knew why I had wanted to so she smiled && said “yeahhh!” We showed up around 6, to find out he was at work so, I said “Alright, off to Wendy’s, I’m not all dressed up to have him not see me.” My friend smiled && said “Hunny– He works the drive thru, you think he’ll mange to see how good you look?” I laughed && said “Trust me” We pulled up ordered our food from the menu, && there he was standing at the widow, next thing I knew he was leaning out the window as far as he could staring at me he finally said “Now, Jess what are you doing here?” He knew why already knew why. But, I had just made up an excuse see he used to get mad because I’d randomly come && see him && he’d get into a lot of trouble so i made up an excuse; “I’m getting food” && smiled then handed him a handful of change. He just looked at me with this face, It was a about to crack up leaning toward are you serious face, then he asked me “What is this?” I said “You’re money sir” && he had asked “Is this the right amount?” I just laughed && said “Probably not” He had asked me “Why wasn’t I still over at his house” && I replied “You were not there stupid” I’d asked him what time he got off, he said he was closing so around two or so. I told him if I’d be at there house around two thirty just joking around, he smiled && said “See ya there && shut the window after saying bye” We drove off, && I thought about going over there. But, I went home instead. When I woke up this Wednesday morning I looked at my phone.. He’d called that night, after I had must of fallen asleep.

He hasn’t called me since we were in the eighth grade unless it was only for our little “things” we had, && Now I’m wondering, “Are we really okay?, && Is this going to get better?” … – Considering I’m going back over there tonight?

Why do so many women && teenage girls want to be so thin? Are these famines becoming to obsessed with an imposed ideal that is unrealistic and unrealizable of/for there weight, I’ve googled some topics over eating disorders and nearly every interview page I’ve come to has had the quote from numerous women “I’d rather die then be fat.” Anorexia has become an bigger issue over the past few years from it used to be. Even bulimia has become a very big hit. Having an Eating Disorder is much more than just being on a diet. Anorexia is more of a self esteem problem, from you’re surroundings, emotions, anxiety, stress, && not having enough control. Anorexia is not just an eating disorder it’s a way to cope with these emotions. Coming into a deep depression, thoughts of suicide && unhappiness is some of the various outcomes of having an eating disorder at a young age && not being able to handle it. Dramatic weight loss within a short period of time could indicate that a friend/family member could have an disorder. Also, Wearing big or baggy clothes or dressing in layers to hide body shape and/or weight loss, Obsession with weight and complaining of weight problems, Obsession with continuous exercise, Complaints of often feeling cold, Loss of sexual desire or promiscuous relations, there’s plenty more these are just stating some of the bigger ones to be aware with. Having an disorder is not fun && I’m sure it‘s a lot of work. Constantly excusing the reasons why you’re not eating dinner, what takes you so long in the bathroom. I suggest if you do have an disorder you see a doctor as soon as possible, even if it’s only been a couple times, Anorexia/Bulimia are an addicting habit && it will become one sooner or later if you’ve even thought about it. There’s non profit organizations that can begin to help to you, NEDA’S “Every body is beautiful” These eating discoverers are life treating, unsafe, && serious. There is help available to start the process of recovering. I have found a website http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org that can refer you to the right places && help you from becoming “too thin” to “thin”. Because, everybody is different weight, looks, smell, style. Nobody deserves to make there’s live a lie.